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joe royal 12:40 Thu Oct 20
Ever dumped a mate?

Have/had a friend for over 25 years, but tonight just confirmed that enough is enough.

It’s the usual 4 beers great bloke, but the 8/9 dickhead.

Starting fights at 20 is a laugh,at 52 it’s just stupid.

Tonight was his last chance, had moved to Surrey “don’t fuck about, don’t play up” I’ve just moved here and out grown my past.

6 beers in he is still the Randy Jack Russell and we have been asked to leave 2 pubs.

It’s like the end of a relationship.

A 25 year one.

Mad Dog 12:47 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

Yep. Not easy, especially if you've got years of history. But if they're a cunt And you're done with their shit (as I was) it's worth it.

Leonard Hatred 12:47 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

What pub have you been in?

joe royal 1:07 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

42 High St, Merstham, Redhill RH1 3EA

The feathers

BRANDED 1:09 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

I witnessed a mate do this to one of his oldest friends when I was young. It was very intense.

gph 1:10 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

Shit, I've been in the Feathers.

Though my mate in Redhill doesn't start fights. Admittedly, he's in his late seventies, not early fifties.

Dowies Love Child 1:34 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

Yes, had a very similar situation. We had been friends since school but life as usual meant we drifted apart a little. We would catch up every now and again for a beer and it was all good. Then a few years ago he contacted me and said let's go away for a boy's week somewhere sunny. So I agreed and we decided to go to South East Asia. Note, we are both in our fifties now. Anyway it started well enough drinks around the pool where we were staying, catching up on old times etc... I wanted to go look at some of the local sites, temples, rain forests all the sorts of things that tourists do. All he wanted to do was find a bar and try to crack onto 20 year old Aussie girls who did not want a bar of him. I wanted to go to try the local cuisine he wanted to go to burger bars. By the end of the week I ended up going out to dinner on my own to a couple of nice restaurants and went and visited a few sites on my own while he propped up the bar. I realized that I was now in my fifties and acted accordingly while he still seemed to think he was in his twenties. I haven't caught up with him since.

chim chim cha boo 2:03 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

Getting kicked out of boozers in your 50s isn't a look Joe.

Best to row him out unless he's struggling with a shitty life situation in which case circle the wagons until he's okay again.

It's a tough call but even on here I've seen some posters I've previously thought were okay turn into nasty bitter cunts as they've got older, and let's be honest, they are mostly our peers.

You never seem to let life bite you in the arse and retain just enough of your youth to still be good fun and have a beer or ten with. It's quite rare for us cockney types.

eswing hammer 11:03 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

I had a mate died last year , a dementia illness, only 50, one of the funniest ever blokes but mad and would turn ,, the illness explained why he was so mad , we would go out mainly in Hornchurch and you would wait for him to start , like you say that’s ok when you’re 20 not 40s and 50s, he used to book golf , some right top places as well , I’m no golf snob but l like to play properly, hate slow play etc , he would be on say the seventh tee with his ball teed up and he’d be telling a story, “fuck this ,cunt that “ with a group behind finishing putting out wouldn’t tee off till the story was done ,my nerves would be shredded , he would be obvious to anything like that , then we would lose the hole in front and l would be waiting for the marshal to tell us to hurry up , then he would get aggressive, it kept happening but he didn’t get it , in the end l had so many people say the bad had outweighed the good , l do think though it was the disease he had !

ted fenton 11:08 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

No because I've never eaten one !!!

Manuel 11:12 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

eswing - that made me chuckle. Golf courses are a good place for a yarn or two.

Being out with a mate who looks to start trouble is a big no no, especially these days. Imagine taking a proper good hiding or being stabbed just because your mate was a prick and you did nothing wrong, you would be seriously fucking bitter.

bruuuno 11:34 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

Yea I hav years ago and I regret it. My mate used to take everything literally which meant I was constantly arguing with him. I don’t like conflict and it did my head in so I just blocked him. Tbf he was a bit of a cock too.

It’s only in later life that I learnt about autism and realised that I should have been more understanding of him.

I think it’s very important that people educate themselves about neurodiversity

simon.s 11:42 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

Yep, a very good mate who wouldn’t listen to the rational voices around him, who ended up getting 7 years for something he didn’t need to do.

ray winstone 11:45 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

As I have got older I have realised that mental health issues cause a lot of peoples woes.

I could have easily 'dumped' a couple of mates over the years but I've found that learning to help them cope with their 'issues' is a better road to take, although it can be exhausting.

My old man had a drink problem and it eventually finished him off with liver cancer 12 years ago, had I been more aware of why he was a drinker rather than arguing with him about it might have helped him, who knows....

Takashi Miike 12:06 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

joe, you ever tried talking to him and giving him some constructive criticism like not drinking, or trying something else when out? if he reacts badly to that help, then bin him. some people just shouldn't go near the booze

bruuuno 12:09 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

ray winstone 11:45 Thu Oct 20


Good post. If someone is behaving in ways that seem inexplicable it’s worth googling some of their behaviours you may find out they have some underlying often undiagnosed issue which you then may be able to help them with or at least you will be able to understand their behaviour better which is often a big part of the problem

zebthecat 12:17 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

bruuuno 11:34 Thu Oct 20

Good point.
I have had that from the other end having been diagnosed Aspergers recently in my mid 50s.
It certainly expained a lot especially being literalist and not picking up on nuance and implied meaning that other people take for granted so they assume that you do get it.
Having said all that none of my friends were remotely surprised about the diagnosis and most knew it already but didn't tell me.

collyrob 12:17 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

“Starting fights” at any age is a bellend thing.

Just go out have your drink and have a laugh. There’s still about 15 of us that go out drinking together, and none of them get rowdy, or are in any way a dickhead when drunk.

Nagel 12:18 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

My best mate as a teenager. Saw him on and off in later years. Last time was 20 years ago when he called me up asking to meet. I was on my way to the pub to watch us away at Chelsea so said he could join me there, although he weren't into football. He spent the match bending my ear and I could see he was pissed off that I was more interested in the game than in what he had to say, and eventually he began pretending that he supported Chelsea, gleefully cheering every one of their goals (and they beat us 5-1 that day).

Never saw him again after that. Not sure if I dumped him or he dumped me, because some of the stuff he'd been bending my ear about, like having S&M sessions with prostitutes, he might have been embarrassed that he'd confessed to. Either way worked for me.

joe royal 12:25 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

I’m sure it’s booze related, but the bloke just won’t take no for an answer, trying to chat up girls when their BF’s are next to them and when confronted just says “I’m only being nice, what’s your problem”

He’s been glassed twice to my knowledge, taken weeks off work as his so bashed up even one of the places where he worked stuck him into rehab and he was sober for 9 months.

As for ‘mental health’ issues, I’m not a Dr and apart from physically stopping him from drinking what can I do?

About 20 years ago I put a thread up about a fight in the Eva heart, couple of reply’s were along the line of ‘some little bloke was being a right pest and he got ironed out’

He’s 5 3’ , only drinks beer/cider, no drugs and earns £85k a year

Reason why I went last night is it’s my nieces 30th in December and she asked if I wanted to bring a few mates to the karokie bar. I know by not asking him it will cause grief so I gave him the chance to see if the move from Essex to Surrey and working from home 4 days a week had curtailed him.

Sadly not.

eusebiovic 12:28 Thu Oct 20
Re: Ever dumped a mate?

Quite a few in my case.

I seem to attract them like bluebottles to a cow pat.

It's exhausting when you get to an age where you still like to have a laugh but your mate still thinks he's 21 and is a total liability at the best of times.

Like a few other posts on here with maturity I've'vearnt that most people who don't grow up are actually somewhere on the sociopath scale - ASBD - Anti Social Behavioural Disorder is the official term these days. It does stem from childhood trauma in most cases.

It could be worse though... everybody knows (or knew) a Begbie...but that is more in the realms of an actual psychopath which is a different kettle of fish.

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